by Janelle Stauffer
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I’m a trauma therapist. As a specialist, I’m blessed to say that I’ve been through many trainings from leading researchers and scientists about how to safely and efficiently work with people to heal trauma. I’ve read countless books and articles. I’ve sat with professionals and asked questions about the brain. I know some stuff and I like that.
All that knowledge pales in comparison to the great knowledge and wisdom I have learned from my therapy chair. While sitting in that leather office chair, staring into the eyes of my clients as they tell me stories or just sit in silence while they grieve, I have learned more about this world, the process of healing, and what it means to be alive than I could ever read in a book.
What’s even greater is that after I learn those beautiful truths I can go read those smarty-pants therapy books and find out that’s what they are saying too. But with words instead of tears. Both are needed, I suppose: words and the experience.
I gotta tell ya, though, I really like my therapy office lessons.
Today, these are five truths I’ve learned from my clients that I want to share with you. Please note that tomorrow my list may be different. Because that’s how profound, complex stuff goes. So I reserve the right to change my list every day.
Here they are today:
- We need all of our emotions.
I grew up hearing the words, “the person is so emotional,” and “you can’t trust your emotions.” Our culture favors logical thinking over a sensed or felt wisdom in our emotions. Here’s what being a trauma therapist has taught me: We need those emotions! What I notice in the therapy room is that as soon as folks learn to be okay with their emotions they can float through nearly any experience that comes their way.
- We have to change the way we respond to pain in this world.
Really.
If I were to poll a random group of people about how people should be treated after they are physically or emotionally hurt I’m certain a majority would respond with loving, compassionate answers. I’d likely hear a lot about giving hugs, listening, being near them, etc.
But here’s the thing: This isn’t what actually happens.
In the county that I live in practice in, it is common practice to place a victim of a crime in a solitary room while they wait to be interviewed. Often times they are left by themselves and are interviewed by folks who are trained to remain neutral. While I get some of the dynamics of this protocol, please note how cold this is – and traumatic to a person who is in great pain.
What I notice in my therapy room is that people who experienced connection and warmth and acceptance after their trauma heal exponentially faster than those who did not. Lack of these things adds months and oftentimes YEARS to the healing process.
It seems easy to fix this. We have to change the way we respond to pain in this world!
- Those who have experienced great pain AND have had courage to dive into it and heal it have a greater capacity to accept real joy than those who have not.
There is something really profound about this.
What I notice in my therapy room is that people who have faced their pain head on seem to have the ability to welcome in a deeper sense of beauty, love, and joy than those who don’t go into their pain and heal it.
I have two thoughts on this: first, it’s as though these people are able to know joy because of the comparison with their pain. Second, because they have faced their pain, they then can navigate life’s struggles with relative ease because they developed some inner strength along the way.
Seems like a pretty great recipe for a joyful life.
- Nothing lasts forever.
This is good news and this is bad news. I’m certain I would have avoided learning this had I not had it given to me by clients day after day after day.
Here’s the good news: no event, emotion, struggle, or hardship lasts forever. It makes those difficulties a little easier to bear knowing that.
Here’s the bad news: no event, emotion, blessing, pleasure lasts forever. It makes you want to breathe those experiences in and milk ‘em for all they’re worth, huh?
Nothing lasts forever. This is a great truth.
- Healing is always possible.
My clients have taught me this. Even when I have felt utterly helpless and hopeless about the depth of a traumatic experience, the folks sitting in my therapy room have proven to me over and over again that healing is always possible. And if we do this right, we can find that pathway to healing at any point of our life.
Really.
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Janelle Stauffer is an attachment & trauma therapist in community and private practice throughout the Treasure Valley and an adjunct professor to graduate social work students at Northwest Nazarene University. Her areas of specialization provide a platform to educate helping professionals about the significance of trauma in every day interactions and promotes the use of trauma informed standards in counseling, social work, and education.
In 2013 Janelle teamed up with Northwest Nazarene University’s Department of Social Work to provide a trauma informed certificate program. The curriculum is based upon up to date research on trauma, stress, & the brain and has become the most attended electives in the program. This certificate program prepares graduates to address a significant gap that exists in behavioral health within the Treasure Valley, Idaho and beyond.
Janelle’s practice focus is on keeping approaches safe for persons with stress related disorders and/or hidden traumas. She teaches and consults using a relational and experiential approach, keeping learners engaged and ready to implement practical solutions that “lives within their bones”. Though teaching and consulting is very natural for her, she is most content during the one on one time she spends with people in her therapy room, where she says she learns more about the human spirit than she could ever read in a book.
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Daisy Rain Martin is an author, speaker, advocate, and educator as well as a founding member of The Flying M-Inklings Writing Group. Her comedic memoir, Juxtaposed: Finding Sanctuary on the Outside, was Christopher Matthew’s #1 top selling book in 2012. She has a free e-book on her website for anyone who has or is currently being sexually abused called, If It’s Happened to You. Her next book, Hope Givers: Hope is Here, will be out soon. Daisy is also the Editor in Chief of RAIN Magazine, an online magazine that has been a fundraising effort for her three favorite charities and features new, up-and-coming writers. Please follow her weekly blog, SATURDAISIES, which addresses a plethora of current issues including child advocacy, all things hilarious, and matters of the heart. She would love for you to join the Rainy Dais Community by friending her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.