How phenomenally gut-wrenching…
A man loved and adored by so many has left behind a tragically tainted legacy and is in the news yet again. All that Joe Paterno accomplished, the whole of his life’s endeavors, are tarnished forever — not because he molested anyone. Perish the thought! But allegations that he knew that Jerry Sandusky molested young boys continue to churn more muck into an already damaged reputation. This story just won’t seem to go away.
This whole ordeal is nothing short of painful for my husband who grew up in Pennsylvania and referred to Paterno they way everyone else did: Joe Pa. He was a father figure to many college students and considered a great man. I’m not here to say that he wasn’t. He certainly accomplished extraordinary things and changed the entire trajectory of a number of young people’s lives for the better. However, I can also recognize that, like every single one of us, he was flawed. He didn’t make every right choice. He didn’t make every right move.
Tragically.
It makes me think of King David in the Bible. He was anointed by the prophet Samuel. Think of it… God’s anointed. Destined to be king. Brave. Wise. Powerful. He collected an impressive assembly of mighty men. He danced before the Lord and won His heart.
He had sex with another man’s wife and then murdered him
— a man who was wholly devoted to him —
out of a primal sense of self-preservation
to try to cover it up.
What prevents us from being able to wrap our heads around the fact that even our most beloved and respected heroes fall? I mean, I understand what prevents our hearts from embracing such things. It is agonizing — that’s not hard to figure out. But the battle between head and heart ensues and tears us apart. Sometimes those whose heart wounds are too deep are tempted to reject any and all reasonable evidence because to face the truth of it all is just too excruciating.
Life is messy.
And even Joe Pa, who reportedly would sooner cut off his own hand than to violate a young person — who unequivocally was a Hope Giver to so many — is still embroiled in scandal even though his own death is long past. Why? Because those involved in this situation have been very clear… that he knew.
To those who were not protected from harm, this wounds us in a thousand different ways.
Do you know I had more emotional, spiritual, and psychological damage due t
o my mother’s willingness to turn the other way than I had from her husband who straight up molested me? I figured that he was simply acting according to his sick and twisted nature. But my mother? She was there. She let him do it. She knew. She didn’t protect us. Her silence and her inaction screamed to us that she was complicit with all of it.
And so it is with Joe Pa.
His camp will tell you that he did report the abuse. But he apparently only told the powers that were at Penn State, not the police or Child Protective Services — a decision that would come back to haunt him decades after the fact. He knew — and did not do the right thing. I truly believe he died of a broken heart.
It makes us heartsick when our heroes fall. Young adult fiction writer, Dr. Gary D. Schmidt, calls it when gods die.
He writes:
“When gods die, they die hard. It’s not like they fade away, or grow old, or fall asleep. They die in fire and pain, and when they come out of you, they leave your guts burned. It hurts more than anything you can talk about. And maybe worst of all is, you’re not sure if there will ever be another god to fill their place. Or if you’d ever want another god to fill their place. You don’t want the fire to go out inside you twice.”
I get it.
It is pure anguish. And there are no winners.
* Disclaimer: I am an advocate for victims of child sexual abuse. I have been holding these precious souls in my arms and speaking out on their behalf for several years now. This is my calling. My focus, my position, and my message are no different now than it’s been for the many years that I have been involved in the important work of keeping kids safe. The statements I make on this blog and in my books are general statements in regard to abuse and the harm it inflicts. To be clear, I am not addressing any specific cases of abuse, nor am I speaking about or alluding to any individuals or groups except for those expressly named in my writing. Please do not infer such as this is not, nor has it ever been, my intention.
Daisy Rain Martin is an author, speaker, advocate, and educator as well as a founding member of The Flying M-Inklings Writing Group. She lives with her husband, Sean-Martin, in the beautiful state of Idaho and teaches English and Literature during the school year to the best 7th graders the world over. Daisy spends her summers writing, speaking, researching, creating, gardening, and canning.
Hope Givers: Hope is Here, is the sequel, of sorts, to her comedic, spiritual memoir, Juxtaposed: Finding Sanctuary on the Outside, which was Christopher Matthews #1 top selling book in 2012. She has also written a free e-book for anyone who has or is currently being sexually abused called, If It’s Happened to You.
Please follow her weekly blog, SATURDAISIES, which addresses a plethora of current issues including child advocacy, all things hilarious, and matters of the heart. She would love for you to join the Rainy Dais Communityby friending her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.